It's the end
by Last.one.02
Summary: Sequel to the Intensity, but can stand on it's own. Now Jenny has to live with the decisions she had made, but more importanly decisions that she hasn't made yet. She has to fight a horrible disease, alone.
1. Prologue

It had been a busy week. After Ducky had told her about her sickness. She has Fatal Familial Insomnia. It's very rare, only about 40 families worldwide have it. And she happens to be one of them. She has about 1,5 years to live, at this point the less the better, because the disease will tear her down. It will ruin everything.

Jennifer Shepard knew she has to quit NCIS. The job she has worked so hard – she has to give it all up. The truth is she doesn't have much left here anyway. Everybody thinks she is an ice queen with no emotions left to show. She has lost Ziva as her friend – at some point the Mossad agent was closest to her. Not to mention, that Jethro is now dating Hollis Mann. Tony is still mad at her because of Rene Benoit aka La Grenouille or the Frog as Jethro called him.

She chuckled.

Abby was as chipper as usual, but they hadn't been such good friends. They started off at the wrong foot, because Jenny managed to give her an assistant, who tried to kill Abby and framed Tony in murder. Then there were also multiple incidents, when Jenny managed to yell at the younger women with not much reason. She was just angry. Angry at everybody. Angry at herself. Mostly she was angry at herself.

Then there was agent McGee. They never really had close relationship, a professional one, but closer than she had with multiple other agents. All of it was thanks to Jethro. But she was positive that McGee hated her too because of Tony and Jeanne.

She had Ducky, but their relationship wasn't that good either. Director doesn't have much time to spent with medical examiner. They still remained friends and that's the reason Ducky knows about her... condition.

But to sum up. She doesn't have much left in NCIS anyway so she could resign, quietly, without any explanation and hopefully people won't notice until she is... gone. Like gone gone. She just has to make sure the next person continues her work and also she has to make sure Ziva gets to stay in the states if she wants of course. She has to make sure it happens.

Decided.

She will start resigning. Today. SecNav has to know.

She pressed the button for Cynthia.

"Yes, director," the happy assistant said.

"Can you get me SecNav ?" Jenny asked.

"Right away, Director," Cynthia said and the call ended.

Few minutes later Cynthia let Jenny knew, that SecNav was on the phone.

"Good afternoon Jenny," current SecNav Philip Davenport greeted cheerfully.

"Hello Philip," Jenny said in not so cheerful voice.

"I'm always glad to hear your voice Jenny, but I have a feeling it's not a social call," Philip said.

Despite the fact that Philip Davenport wasn't always the nicest person around, he and Jenny got along well. Their relationship grew stronger as Jenny accepted the job of NCIS director, before that their paths hadn't crossed much, but when they did then always in positive way. SecNaw had kept his eye on Jenny for years before there was an opening as the director and then he had no doubts, who would be the best man or in this case woman for the job.

"No. It's not," Jenny said and took a deep breath.

"What is it then ? Agent Gibbs managed to do something again ?" Philip asked and joked. If only he knew what was next to come.

"I'm resigning, Philip," Jenny forced the words out of her lips.

"What's wrong Jenny ?" Philip asked in concern.

"It's not a phone conversation," Jenny said.

"Are you available tomorrow at 2 pm ?" Philip asked after looking his schedule.

"Yes," Jenny said after checking hers.

"See you then," he said and hang up.

Jenny put the phone on her table for a moment, then called Cyntha to cancel her meeting at 2 pm tomorrow. Then she went back to her work – paperwork was killing her.


	2. Stage 1

**Month 1**

Jenny's office door flew open and Gibbs walked in.

"What can I do for you special agent Gibbs ?" Jenny asked. Her voice was tired and dry.

"Need you to sign this," Gibbs said and threw the case file on her desk.

Jenny signed the paper and held the file in her hand until Gibbs took it.

"Anything else ?" she asked and chose to look at him.

It was when he noticed how red her eyes were and the bags under her eyes, still visible from the make-up she was wearing to cover them.

"You haven't been sleeping," Gibbs stated.

"My sleep is just fine," Jenny lied, but for once she did with a confidence in front of him.

"You've never been a good liar," Gibbs said simply.

"And you have never been good with the truth," Jenny snapped. She knew he won't take the comment too gladly.

"And you have been ?" Gibbs said back. It stabbed as much as her previous comment.

Before Jenny could answer, there was a knock on the door and Philip Davenport walked in.

"Director Shepard, special agent Gibbs," he greeted them both.

"SecNav," Gibbs said.

"Agent Gibbs was just leaving," Jenny said.

Gibbs nod and left the office with multiple thoughts in his mind, but he pushed them aside, because Jenny and SecNav have work to discuss. They do it all the time, usually on phone, but this must be important.

Back in Jenny's office SecNav and Jenny had taken seat behind the conference table.

"I'm listening what makes you give up the position you wanted," SecNav got straight to business.

"It's my health. I let doctor Mallard run my blood and comes out I have a disease named Fatal Familial Insomnia," Jenny said.

SecNav took a moment to get all the information inside.

"I'm so sorry Jenny. I have never heard of it before," Philip said a little stunned.

"It's rare. Only 40 families worldwide have it, it runs in genes," Jenny said.

"I see. I suppose it's rather nasty one and you want to spend the time away from NCIS," Philip said slowly.

"Yes. Also it has to happen in few months at the least. I won't be able to work properly after that," Jenny said.

"I'll talk to people and we'll get it done," Philip said.

"And I would appreciate if you could just say that I am retiring. I don't want people to know," Jenny said.

"Of course. How long do you need ? I'm sure Leon would be happy to take your place tomorrow," Philip said and brought a lite with a little humor.

"Yeah, I'm sure he would. I need to wrap up ongoing missions and make a report of the longer. I also have to check the agents and leave some instructions. Not to rush things and make it look so urgent, a month would be great," Jenny said.

"I will start working on it today and I'm very sorry about your condition," Philip said sadly.

"So am I," Jenny said barely louder than a whisper.

They both stood up, SecNav gave Jenny a hug and kiss on the cheek before they exchanged goodbyes and he left.

The office felt suddenly so cold and empty. But she won't be here for much longer.

**Month 2**

The air was cold in Jenny's bedroom. It was 4 am already and for once Jenny made it home in time for dinner and after that she felt exhausted and decided to go to bed. It was 10 pm aka 6 hours ago. For 6 hours she has tossed and turned, but still with no sleep.

That was the first night she didn't get any sleep at all. It was the first night she closed her eyes and stayed awake, though her body wanted that sleep even needed that.

**Month 3**

Jenny walked down the stairs with a case-file in her hand. Her eyes were red and the bags were hidden behind the solid make-up she used. She looked almost like zombie. She felt like one.

"Gibbs, I have a case for you," Jenny said as she walked to her favorite team leader.

"Really ?" Gibbs asked, suddenly curious.

"It's a murder of prominent navy captain. I want a fast investigation and justice," Jenny said.

She dumped the file in front of Gibbs and left. Some people followed her with stares, but she wasn't sure if they were because of the case-file or the red eyes or they just liked to watch her. She doesn't leave her office much, only for MTAC and sometimes lunch.

Gibbs was one of the starers. There was something going on with Jenny and he didn't know what it was. But he will find it out.

**Month 4**

**ding**

Jenny stepped into the back of an elevator, when it stopped. A single man came on and she knew without looking that it's Jethro.

She felt panic. Her breathing became rapid and she felt pain in her chest. Still she managed to slow down her breathing and look at him, when he stopped the elevator.

"What ?" She protested, when there was a jolt.

"What's wrong with you ?" he asked without hesitation.

"I'm fine," Jenny replied dry.

"Are you sick ?" he asked again.

"My health is fine," she said as confident as before. For once her eye didn't twitch.

Gibbs looked at her, but seemed like even his stare couldn't make her talk, the elevator started moving again.

With heavy heart Jenny went to her office to get some work done. She really wanted to talk to him about her condition, but she couldn't. Not yet.

Unbeknown to her that night she passed the first stage and entered the second.


	3. Stage 2

**Month 5**

Jenny managed to finish some operations successfully in few weeks. Others will take more time and some will be left on-going. She managed to avoid Gibbs those weeks – she didn't leave her office and he didn't come up there.

Jenny found that sometimes she panics in very usual situations. She freaked out over black pen instead of blue one; she found her sudden fear of oranges and grapes, the smell of nail polish almost stopped her heart, she couldn't look into the mirror, because her reflection was scary and she started to fear milk among other things.

She almost jumped when her office door flew open and closed in a bang. It was Gibbs.

"I need a warrant," Gibbs said. He was annoyed, tired and grouchy.

"That's what we have legal department for ?" Jenny said looking Gibbs over her glasses.

"It's the son of a congressman," Gibbs explained.

"I'll make some calls," Jenny said still looking at him.

"I'll wait," Gibbs said and sat down on sofa.

Jenny gave him a look and then picked up a phone and made her calls. During those calls Cynthia came in and brought her a newspaper along with some other papers. When Jenny hang up, then she turned her attention to the newspaper.

That did the trick. Jenny felt short of breath, she started panting and her body was shaking. She pushed her chair back to crash with the wall.

Gibbs was up immediately and by her side.

"Jen ? Jenny ?" he asked, when her condition started getting worse.

She stood from the chair, shaking and having trouble breathing. She tried to take a step, but she failed and lost the balance. She would have fallen if Gibbs hadn't been there to catch her.

"What's happening Jen ?" he asked worriedly.

Jenny tried to talk, but she failed to say words, that could help him. He simply held her fragile and panicking body. What the hell was happening ?

Gibbs took a step with her to reach for the phone. He called Ducky to come up. Confused doctor promised to be there soon. He was hoping everything was fine with Jenny.

When Ducky arrived a few minutes later, Gibbs was standing behind Jenny's desk and holding the shaking woman in his arms and running smoothing circles on her back.

"What's happening Duck ?" Gibbs asked, concern obvious in his face and voice.

"She's having a panic attack, Jethro," Ducky said after a quick observation.

"What should I do ?" Gibbs asked.

"Try to calm her down. That's all you can do. Panic attacks usually get worse in 10 minutes and it starts getting better. Do you know what caused this ?" Ducky said.

"She was fine and then looked at the papers Cynthia bought her and then this started," Gibbs explained.

"I see," Ducky simply said. "Can you sit down with her, that gives her more comfort." he added.

Gibbs nod and started walking to the couch with Jenny. Slowly the reached the destination of couch and Gibbs sat down, pulling her on his lap and wrapped his arms around her.

"She is shaking, hyperventilating and numb," Gibbs said.

"It's normal during the panic attack, Jethro. She should reach the peak soon and then it gets better," Ducky said. "I'll get some water."

Gibbs nod and looked at Jenny. He ran his hands on her back, knowing that it used to calm her down almost a lifetime ago.

"Shh, it's okay Jen. I'm here. It's gonna be okay. Calm down," Gibbs whispered to her.

Ducky came with water, when Jenny was starting to calm down already. Ducky put the water on the table in front of Jen, but it took a few more minutes before she grabbed for it. She emptied the glass and a few minutes later she was calm.

"You okay ?" Gibbs asked, when she was able to speak normally.

"Fine," she said, knowing that this was not just about the current situation, he had confronted her once before about her healt. She had lied then.

"You have always been a bad liar," Gibbs said.

When Jenny looked around and realized that she was on Gibbs' lap, she stood before Gibbs could react.

"Jethro, I need to talk to Ducky. Alone," she said.

All Gibbs could do was stand up and walk away.

"You're gonna have to tell him at some point ?" Ducky said.

"No. I won't. I'm resigning and moving to Europe. No-one will know, beside you," Jenny said staring into Ducky's eyes.

"Are you sure my dear ?" Ducky asked.

"Yes. SecNav also knows, but he won't tell. Officially I'll retire. He is dealing with it now," Jenny said.

"Jethro will suspect something," Ducky said confidently.

"No. If he asks about the panic attack, then say that it's a side effect of a menopause. I'm in right age and he will believe," Jenny had an explanation.

"He will smell something Jennifer. Jethro is a no fool," Ducky said and left.

"No he isn't," Jenny said to herself.

**Month 6**

Team Gibbs, as well as Abby, Ducky and Palmer were called in Director Shepard's office. They all had noticed Leon Vance coming here now and then, SecNav visiting Jenny more than usual and not to mention the physical signs of exhaustion radiating from Jenny. But only Ducky knew the reason.

"I guess you all are wondering, what is happening. There are going to be a few changes here," Jenny said.

"Are sending Ziva away ?" McGee asked.

"No. Ziva is staying as long as she wants to. I wanted to tell you before it hits the news," Jenny said and made a short pause. "I'm retiring from NCIS."

"What ?" Gibbs said a little louder than he planned.

"When ?" Tony asked.

"SecNav will make it official today. I probably will leave in a week, when Leon has everything under control. I made a list of things for him to do. And the most important is that, no-one gets fired and reassigned. Everything will stay the same, I just won't be here," Jenny explained.

"But NCIS is your life..:" Abby started.

"Was, Abby. It was my life," Jenny cut in.

The group just watched Jenny and then she noted them to leave. They did. Gibbs was the last one and the door closed with a loud bang. That freaked her out, so she went into panic attack just like last month, when Jethro was there.

**Month 7**

Jenny and SecNav were standing in front of the whole NCIS staff in auditorium. It was official now. Jenny was no longer the director of NCIS and SecNav Philip Davenport was explaining that. She asked him to do it. The less she talked, the bigger chance was, that she will do without any problems. When he reached to the point, where he had to made the big announcement, the crowd took it as a shock.

"I will assure you that everything will stay the same, no-one will lose their job and no-one will be resigned unless, the decision was made before. The new director Leon Vance is very good man and a good agent. He will continue to fight for NCIS just as much as I did," Jenny cut in and assured the agents. She has been one for a long time, so she knew what they wanted to hear.

"And now would be the great time to ask assistant director, soon to be NCIS director Leon Vance here," SecNav said.

Leon came to them and prepared his speech. He wasn't as good man as Jenny said, but he was capable agent and probably a good leader. He was probably the best choice for the job, after Jenny.

Leon came and held the speech. He promised great things and no changes like Jenny said, but she knew that once she was out of sight completely, he will change things around here and all the hard work she has done will be forgotten and useless.

After the ceremony Gibbs caught Jenny before she went to MTAC. He led her to a corner in the hallway.

"You wouldn't leave NCIS," Gibbs said and both of then knew it was the truth.

"But here I am, leaving NCIS," Jenny said confident.

"Why ?" Gibbs demanded.

"It's none of your business agent Gibbs," Jenny said through her teeth.

"Like the Frog wasn't my business," Gibbs said flashing back to MTAC, when she cut him off.

"What do you want from me ?" Jenny asked, getting to the point.

"The truth. Is it too much to ask ?" Gibbs said and his voice was raising.

"No need to raise your voice," Jenny replied, avoiding the question.

"What is happening ?" Gibbs asked.

"It's none of your business," Jenny repeated.

"It is my business. You were my partner once and I can see that there is something wrong. I wanna help," Gibbs said.

"You can't help me," Jenny said. As rough as the statement might be, it was the truth.

"But there is something wrong," Gibbs said hoping to get an answer.

"Of course there is something wrong. My father is dead, last week I lost 4 agents of field, Ducky is getting closer to retirement and Palmer is not finished with his training, our budget is under review again and I probably have to sell my house, because the old ghosts are lingering around the halls," Jenny said in one breath and panted to get it right again.

"Why are you selling your house ?" Gibbs asked.

"That's need to know," Jenny said and kept on looking over Gibbs' shoulder.

Gibbs looked back and saw no-one moving there.

"And now Rene Benoit. Is coming after me," Jenny said.

Gibbs looked back once more, there was still no-one.

"Where is he ?" he asked pretty confused.

"Right behind you," she said as confident as ever.

"But there is no-one, " Gibbs said after checking it once more.

"No, he is there and calling out my name. Do something," Jenny was panicking.

"I'll keep you safe," he said and took a step closer. He pulled her to him and ran his hands on her back. "I will protect you from him."

Jenny was shaking in fear. It was so unlike her.

"Go away," Jenny said out weakly and continued to repeat it.

All Gibbs could do was trying to calm her down and maybe get an answer.

It took a few minutes before she was starting to calm down.

"You've lost weight," he stated, when she was calm.

She didn't reply, instead nod on his chest.

"Talk to me," he said.

"I can't. He will hear and he can't know," Jenny said.

Gibbs didn't ask, but he thought it was the Frog she was talking about.

"How long has he been there ?" Gibbs asked.

"He has been following me for 6 months, but for the past 2 he is always there," Jenny said.

Gibbs took in the information, but didn't know what to say.

"Even the nights ?" he asked then.

"Specially the nights," Jenny said.

So that was the reason behind her red eyes – she had a ghost visiting her. That's something that a few pills will cure.

"Come stay with me tonight. He doesn't know where I live," Gibbs offered.

"He's a ghost, he knows everything," Jenny said.

"He is scared of me. I have my own ghosts to attack him," Gibbs lied.

"Okay. I will come," Jenny said after a moment of thinking.

The night came and Jenny walked out of the NCIS building, last time as the director. Her driver was waiting in the parking garage with another agent assigned to protect her.

"Going home ?" her driver Melvin asked.

"No. To agent Gibbs' house," Jenny said.

"Sure," Melvin replied and started the car. He noticed Gibbs getting into his car and started following them.

When they arrived Gibbs' house, Jenny didn't walk out instant.

"It was a pleasure to drive you, Jenny," Melvin said.

"And I was happy to put my life in line for you," Hector said.

"Good to hear it. You're both good men. Now be sure to pick up Leon tomorrow and not me," Jenny said.

All 3 of them laughed.

"Good night," Jenny said and came out of the car.

She walked to the door, knowing it's open. Gibbs came right behind her. They both went to the kitchen, where they ate the pizza, Gibbs bought on his way home.

There was silence in the house.

"I'll take the couch," Gibbs said breaking the silence.

"No. I can't let you sleep on the couch with your back," Jenny protested.

They shared a look that told them, that they will share the bed tonight. They walked to the bedroom and then Jenny realized that she has nothing to wear.

Just as reading her mind Gibbs threw her one of his t-shirts and pair of his boxers. She thanked him and went to the bedroom.

He stripped to his boxers and sat on the bed until Jenny came out of the bedroom. Then he went to brush his teeth and when he was done, Jenny was already under the blanket. He turned off the lights and joined her.

"I forgot how cold your bedroom is," Jenny said.

"Wasn't expecting company," he explained.

Jenny let out a small laugh. And he did the same.

"You could crawl closer to get some of my warmth," Gibbs said suggestively.

"You wish," she smirked.

A few minutes passed in silence.

"I hate you," she announced then and moved to snuggle with him.

"If every time woman would do that after saying that she hates me," he joked, which lead to her hitting his chest.

"Yep, that's more like it," he said again.

"Well, maybe you should be nicer to women, so they don't hit you," she said.

"Not gonna happen. I'm a bastard," he said and they both laughed.

He found the place in her abdomen and started tickling her. She was laughing hard and telling him to stop, even demanding him, but he wasn't giving up. She got hold of him and the tickling match was becoming a wrestle in bed. It ended, when she was beneath him, their bodies pressed together and their lips merely an inch apart and both of their breathing was rapid, but slowly going back to normal.

Sexual tension was palpable in the air. They both wanted it, but weren't sure if it was right. Jenny made the first move by pressing her lips to his and after that they both had no hesitation about it.

They had sex. It was slow and romantic and full of passion. And when it ended, he held her close and started drifting to sleep slowly.

For Jenny it took time before she entered the first stage of sleep, where she is "half asleep-half awake". Her body doesn't get rest in the situation and sometimes she isn't sure if she is asleep or awake, but it's the closest thing to sleep she can get.

**Month 8**

After her sleepover at Gibbs' she knew, that she has to leave. So she bought an plane ticket, packed her stuff and flew to Paris, where she rented a small apartment. No-one knew, where she was, though Ducky suspected that she's in Paris.

Rene Benoit was there all the time, sometimes her father too. She was also seeing Kate, who blamed her for her death, sometimes Shannon, who accused her of sleeping with Gibbs. Sometimes they were just random people, random sounds and random feelings of pressure on her skin, but these were the hallucinations she was having. They followed her everywhere and panic attacks occurred over few days.

She had cut herself from the outside world completely. The only visitors she had, were the ones she had made up.

**Month 9**

Paris was nice and warm, but too many memories were here. Sometimes Jenny saw herself with Jethro here. The team visited her quite often too. She had constantly long conversations with Ducky or Abby or Jethro or her parents. If people would visit her, they would think that she is insane. Almost every day she had at least 2 panic attacks, when she started shaking and sometimes lost the control of her body and fell to the ground. The good days, when she wouldn't see anyone and suffers from no panic attacks, as well as sleeps good are over.

There still were some days, when she managed to sleep for 5 hours, but usually it was just 2-3 hours of between sleep and being awake.

The night, when she saw the team telling her that they miss her so much and after that Rene Benoit came and shot all of them, she entered the stage 3 of her disease.


	4. Stage 3

**Month 10**

Jenny moved to Spain, she was renting an beach house near Malaga by the Mediterranean sea. It was warm and she liked the place. She knew, her condition was getting worse, because she couldn't sleep at all.

She was also having cramps and sometimes her muscles weren't following her wishes. She also went into menopause, which meant suffering from hot flashes, her heart beat was rapid, her back was hurting as well as the joints, and she had troubles concentrating.

She still hadn't contacted anyone at NCIS and her hallucinations were getting better, so she could sometimes go a whole day without anyone disturbing her.

**Month 11**

She had decided to go back home. She hadn't sold the house and Noemi was still there. So her home was warm and welcoming, even though it was empty inside.

At home she also hit the month with no sleep at all. She was dealing with her menopause symptoms as well as total insomnia. Her body was exhausted and weak.

Jenny quit using make-up – no one will see her in her home anyway. She was wrong. Ducky came to see her one night, after he had noticed the lights on. They discussed her disease and he talked about NCIS. Came out that director Vance wanted to change some things around – he sent Ziva back to Israel, Tony became agent afloat, Tim was down in cyber unit and Gibbs got a new team. Also Ducky was given a notification that he will be forced to retire in 6 months. Cynthia had lost her job, Abby got new assistant and many agents were fired. NCIS was completely different now.

Jenny talked about her symptoms, but Ducky knew, everything already. He had read about the disease and given his calculation, she had up to 7 months to live. 7 horrible months.

He also noticed the unhealthy glow on her skin, the loss of weight, which made her even more fragile and smaller than she was. But she had changed the way she dressed, she was fond of hoodies and jeans and tennis shoes, instead of office suit and high heels. She also wasn't concerned about her weight anymore – obviously she was loosing more than gaining. Her eyes were red, she had huge bags under her eyes and that might scare off some little kids, but not Ducky.

His visit was rather short, because he had to take care of his mother, but he promised to visit soon, even though she protested.

**Month 12**

She was feeling coordination disorders. She often walked as as she was drunk, but she just had troubles with balance. She had fell down the stairs twice so far, due to her poor coordination skills. She has broken a lot of plates and cups, because her hands go into seizures or fail to follow her will.

She has lost unhealthy amount of weight and she hasn't slept in 2 months. Noemi knows about her disease, she, Ducky and SecNav are all beside herself.

Ducky has visited her often. Once he took her temperature, blood pressure and heart rate. Her temperature was normal, blood pressure 150/100, which was too high and heart rate was about 80, which is too high. He gave her vitamins, because these could make things a little better. She doubted it.

Jenny Shepard was no longer the ice-queen of NCIS, she was just a fragile form of the woman, she used to be as she entered the last stage of her disease.


	5. Stage 4

**Month 13**

Ducky noticed how she rarely left her bed at these days. She was having trouble moving and sometimes she even had troubles understanding him. She was mentally and physically almost gone. Ducky had no doubt that she understood everything and wanted to do everything, but her body failed her.

Noemi was getting worried too. She was very fond of Jenny, has been since she hired her.

Ducky noticed how her eyes were distant too. They were constricted and distant. Just like searching something all the time. He loved her shining emerald eyes, that could make every man melt and give in to her. Her face was changed and for the worse.

She also had troubles digesting, she was suffering from constipation. Even though she wasn't eating much. Her appetite had fallen during the month.

**Month 14**

Jenny was now 4 moths with no sleep at all. She had discussed with Ducky everything and their conversations were getting somewhere. They also had both decided that she will tell others about her condition too.

She was also very weak. She couldn't do anything, even visiting WC was hard. Noemi or Ducky were usually feeding, but she wasn't eating much either.

To make things easier, Ducky brought her a wheelchair, so they could go outside. It was summer and she loved the fresh air. Ducky walked with her around the block, talking about things, only he knew. She wore sunglasses and a hat to cover her face, just in case someone recognized her.

That was the last time she breathed the fresh air and felt wind on her skin. The last time she was out of her house.

**Month 15**

It was 5 months now, since she had slept. She was in physical agony, caused by the inability to sleep. She was slowly dying and there was nothing she could do.

She was showing signs of dementia. She was unable to have conversations with Ducky, because her body didn't allow it, but in her head, she knew what she wanted to say, she just couldn't. She couldn't read books or do anything, because her body was shutting down, but she herself was completely aware of the happening.

**Month 16**

Jenny left the bed, when Noemi or Ducky helped her. She was like paralyzed – she couldn't move her legs, but she still had feelings. She felt when someone touched it or lifted it, she just couldn't move them.

Ducky still came by to talk to her, but it was rare, when she said anything back. She wanted to, but her body failed to listen to her. It felt like she was stuck in her body unable to do anything.

**Month 17**

Jenny had been with no sleep for 7 months. It was the fall and she remembered her birthday coming in a month. She was becoming 40. Instead of celebrating she was a prisoner in her own body.

Ducky didn't take her out anymore, she was glad. She didn't want others to see her like that. Ducky probably knew it. She didn't know how much he visited, because time has got a whole new meaning in her eyes. She just knew, that he was here quite often. Ducky was a good friend to her.

She learned that Jethro had got Ziva, Tony and Tim back to his team. Ducky had retired, but most of his time was taken by his mother and his disease, still he came by once a week to spend time with Jenny.

**Month 18**

Jenny didn't know what time it was, when she felt her eyelids getting heavy. She closed her eyes and finally, after months of suffering the blackness took over. She was no longer among the living.


	6. Epilogue

Noemi discovered to body the next day and called Ducky to confirm it. Ducky had to follow the protocol and called Gibbs – they still had to investigate, but Ducky had promised Jenny to tell Team Gibbs and Abby about her condition, when she is dead. So he did.

Everybody was sad and they couldn't believe their ears and eyes, but they accepted it and even though they were angry, because she didn't say anything – they understood her choice.

"Jennifer Shepard was a strong woman. She was determined to get what she wanted and she did get the position of NCIS director, just like she wanted. She did good job at it. NCIS had very successful operations all over the world and her battle against arms dealers and terrorists was successful. She was good at what she did.

Most of the people in office saw her as ice queen. She was woman in power and it was not acceptable for her to show an emotion. The truth is that she did show it. A smile, a look, a wave... Small gestures meant everything and she was good at them. She wasn't ice queen with no emotions, she was very emotional woman. Unfortunately at her position, she had to stay strong, but outside the work, she showed compassion, fear, laughter, confidence, leadership, friendship and love. She was good.

For some people she was a friend to lean on. She always helped when she could. She put everybody in front of herself and that's what made her a good woman, though it didn't do much good to herself. As an agent she was ready to jump in front of a bullet to save her partner and killing people wasn't natural to her. She was accurate, but it hit her hard mentally. She was feeling bad after killing someone, who had killed a lot of innocent people.

But life wasn't fair to him. She didn't deserve to die like that. She should have had a loving husband and multiple happy children running around the house, she lived. She would have grown old and turned gray and left NCIS, when it was time. But that would have happened in a perfect world, and world isn't perfect. She had nothing but NCIS and so she had to face the end alone. It wasn't fair.

Many people will forget her soon, but some will remember her forever. I will never forget my probie, my partner and my boss. Goodbye, Jennifer Shepard," Gibbs ended his speech in Jenny's funeral.

The funeral wasn't big. The funeral for NCIS agents and politicians was held before. Now only friends and family was here, Jenny's case mostly friends, who were from NCIS.

Everybody was crying. It was sad, but they all knew, that they won't forget her. Jenny will live on forever in their dreams and in their memories. Her actions will be remembered and her name will go into history. He will be remembered.

Gibbs, Tony, Ducky, McGee, Callan and Decker carried the coffin.

As the priest read his prayer, people were now crying hard. Gibbs placed his rose on top of the coffin and everybody threw a handful of dirt inside it.

"_FORASMUCH as it hath pleased Almighty God of his great mercy to take unto himself the soul of our dear brother here departed, we therefore commit his body to the ground; earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust; in sure and certain hope of the Resurrection to eternal life, through our Lord Jesus Christ; who shall change our vile body, that it may be like unto his glorious body, according to the mighty working, whereby he is able to subdue all things to himself."_

Jenny was on her final way now, after 18 months of battle with Fatal Familial Insomnia, a gene carried by her mother.

She was gone now.


End file.
